A northern Michigan survivor shares her story about breast cancer and depression.
In our Buddy Check reports we spend a lot of time talking about healing the body. But something that gets less attention is healing the mind and spirit.
But that can be a very serious part of the recovery process. And it's the subject of tonight's Buddy Check Report.
Angela Standerfer became a nurse for one very simple reason.
"I absolutely love taking care of people. I absolutely love it and making people feel good."
But she never dreamed at age 32 she'd have to be her most important patient.
"I actually felt a lump on my own and just thought it was a swollen gland and blew it off for eight months."
But it didn't go away so she went to see her doctor.
"My family doctor called me to her office in Elk Rapids and I went by myself and i was told to sit down and I was told those dreaded words."
Standerfer had breast cancer and would need a double mastectomy, years before she was even supposed to have her first mammogram.
"It was devastating. I mean bad. But it's your health."
The nurse in her could rationalize all of the medical procedures, but she was unprepared for the emotions that followed.
"A lot of aloneness. You're in your bed for so long after surgery. Then once you are healed from that, chemo. It's just the mental strain, depression even though your family's there."
Psychiatric Social Worker Mary Raymer says, "It's really surprising for a lot of women because the emotional aspect of the illness doesn't hit until after treatment has stopped. And that's when the loss hits. They have to get used to their body image. They have the fear of mortality. Their family doesn't know how to treat them. Their friends don't know how to treat them. So it's trying to find a whole new normal."
And Raymer says while depression can affect all different kinds of people, some of those most impacted are the ones who look like they are doing ok to the outside world. She says trying to fake being ok, can actually lead to prolonged grief.
She says another misconception is that survivors who beat the disease don't face depression.
Raymer says "that's a common myth that's out there and it really diminishes what has happened to this individual. Yes she's alive but she can never have the luxury of denial again. She knows she's mortal. She knows she's going to die of some disease and probably cancer. So it's a diminishment."
Raymer says one of the best tools to overcoming the depression is cognitive therapy. That just means talking about it. But that may not mean turning to friends. She says while friends are always supportive, they are not always objective. But she says ultimately it's up to the patient.
Standerfer says, "You're in the corner of your bedroom on the floor wanting to die and you just make the choice to get up. You have to."
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